According to a personality test I am Choleric Melancholy.
E. ChlorMel (DC) The choleric/melancholy is very industrious and capable. He is both industrious and detailed. He combines verbal aggressiveness with sharp attention to detail. He is very competitive and forceful. He can be autocratic and opinionated with work habits that keep after details until the job is completely finished. He finds interpersonal relationships difficult due to the hard-to-please nature of the choleric and the perfectionism nature of the melancholy.
I guess when I am behind the tech booth I am like this alot.Hmm, I suppose I can talk to alot of people with my pointless random questions but I do have trouble making solid, dependable, open-up-to friends at times. Hmm...interesting.
I am cool with that.
11.16.2009
11.03.2009
Closed doors behind us
There is a statement that goes “It only matters who you are when you are alone and behind closed doors.” I not only disagree but I firmly believe in the complete opposite of the statement. If you live life to the fullest only when you are alone would it matter that you ever lived at all?
From the moment of birth every human being depends on its parents not only for food and shelter but on every thing that newborn will grow to accomplish. We are only born with a rooting and grasping reflex, everything aside from those two basic feats are founded on our surroundings. Our Accents, mannerisms, values and how we interact with others are dependant on others around us. We were not meant to live alone.
I find that in loneliness we focus on ourselves (there is simply nothing else to focus all of our human capacity on when we are alone). In doing so we don’t worry so much about what we are content with but rather what can make us ‘better’. Without others we can create an emptiness that can only be filled with companionship. This abysmal gap mutates, a thirst to be filled that cannot be quenched by the finite ‘things’ we try to fill it with. The only problem is the understanding what loneliness truly means.
You can be alone but still surrounded, as paradoxical as that sounds. A sociable, friendly, and outgoing person can be tough-shelled to expressing their thoughts, feelings and questions about deeper meanings in life. All of the good company in the world would mean nothing if you are deserted. The fine line between popularity and bare is unknown to most.
Do others know your imperfection? Are you allowing other to help you in your issues without worry about who you will be seen as? Most simulate and conjure up themselves as a protagonist who has dealt with every climax the world has had to offer…but concealed is a child who remains unresolved and belittled by their hindrance. Even the minutest of actions have effects of great magnitude in other’s lives; so rather than worrying about appearances, worry about the obstacle you face and how to aid others who confronting the exact same setback. Even if being open transforms you into a social pariah, accept that we do not know tomorrow despite any predictions and (more importantly) there are more people to meet. It’s not the end of the world.
Most of us make our world small, its inhabitants only encompassing the people we know and have acquainted ourselves with, and that is when we lose this fight called life.
How are you supposed to grow if you pretend to be perfect? To be our best we need to accept our gaps and neediness, the finiteness of our lives. Not only is it terrifying but we are helpless to it. 100% of us die no matter how we acted, worried, stressed, behaved or no matter how good health care gets. All of the riches of kings end up in wills. The only thing to strive for is to leave a legacy, to change someone’s life and have this innovation pass through them.
I cannot dictate how you chose to be remembered but know this, be kind to others. You can change everyone who has ever known you by being selfish. You change everyone you know and everyone they know with love, love is impressionable, strived for and contagious. The real fight in life should never be a struggle to keep the person you are behind closed doors. That battle to keep your impure wants will never end. The real conflict is between our laziness and who we are destined to be in other’s lives. Keep the closed doors behind your potential.
From the moment of birth every human being depends on its parents not only for food and shelter but on every thing that newborn will grow to accomplish. We are only born with a rooting and grasping reflex, everything aside from those two basic feats are founded on our surroundings. Our Accents, mannerisms, values and how we interact with others are dependant on others around us. We were not meant to live alone.
I find that in loneliness we focus on ourselves (there is simply nothing else to focus all of our human capacity on when we are alone). In doing so we don’t worry so much about what we are content with but rather what can make us ‘better’. Without others we can create an emptiness that can only be filled with companionship. This abysmal gap mutates, a thirst to be filled that cannot be quenched by the finite ‘things’ we try to fill it with. The only problem is the understanding what loneliness truly means.
You can be alone but still surrounded, as paradoxical as that sounds. A sociable, friendly, and outgoing person can be tough-shelled to expressing their thoughts, feelings and questions about deeper meanings in life. All of the good company in the world would mean nothing if you are deserted. The fine line between popularity and bare is unknown to most.
Do others know your imperfection? Are you allowing other to help you in your issues without worry about who you will be seen as? Most simulate and conjure up themselves as a protagonist who has dealt with every climax the world has had to offer…but concealed is a child who remains unresolved and belittled by their hindrance. Even the minutest of actions have effects of great magnitude in other’s lives; so rather than worrying about appearances, worry about the obstacle you face and how to aid others who confronting the exact same setback. Even if being open transforms you into a social pariah, accept that we do not know tomorrow despite any predictions and (more importantly) there are more people to meet. It’s not the end of the world.
Most of us make our world small, its inhabitants only encompassing the people we know and have acquainted ourselves with, and that is when we lose this fight called life.
How are you supposed to grow if you pretend to be perfect? To be our best we need to accept our gaps and neediness, the finiteness of our lives. Not only is it terrifying but we are helpless to it. 100% of us die no matter how we acted, worried, stressed, behaved or no matter how good health care gets. All of the riches of kings end up in wills. The only thing to strive for is to leave a legacy, to change someone’s life and have this innovation pass through them.
I cannot dictate how you chose to be remembered but know this, be kind to others. You can change everyone who has ever known you by being selfish. You change everyone you know and everyone they know with love, love is impressionable, strived for and contagious. The real fight in life should never be a struggle to keep the person you are behind closed doors. That battle to keep your impure wants will never end. The real conflict is between our laziness and who we are destined to be in other’s lives. Keep the closed doors behind your potential.
11.02.2009
Why Chaos?
cha⋅os [key-os]
–noun
1.a state of utter confusion or disorder; a total lack of organization or order.
2.any confused, disorderly mass: a chaos of meaningless phrases.
3.the infinity of space or formless matter supposed to have preceded the existence of the ordered universe.
There it is. In plain text the defenition of chaos. (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/chaos)
Chaotic to me means a state of utter confusion in a positive way. When I look at the ways of this world and system I want to be confused...asking myself
"Why do my brothers and sisters think that these finite things could possibly slake their thirst for purpose, for God?"
I want disorder in my life. Disorder from any rules or limitations I have set for myself; a lifestyle that is disordered by itself along with the understanding that any efforts to find order and perfection without God are futile.
I want to be meaningless on my own so my only comfort, purpose and eternal meaning are only found in my God.
This defenition also defines chaos as "the infinity of space or formless matter supposed to have preceded the existence of the ordered universe".
This matter is described as chaos because it has no order (to our finite understanding), no beginning (to our finite understanding) and no end (to our finite understanding). It pre-exists our order, our understaning. Surpassing time and impossible to explain or cage in any mathematical equation.
–noun
1.a state of utter confusion or disorder; a total lack of organization or order.
2.any confused, disorderly mass: a chaos of meaningless phrases.
3.the infinity of space or formless matter supposed to have preceded the existence of the ordered universe.
There it is. In plain text the defenition of chaos. (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/chaos)
Chaotic to me means a state of utter confusion in a positive way. When I look at the ways of this world and system I want to be confused...asking myself
"Why do my brothers and sisters think that these finite things could possibly slake their thirst for purpose, for God?"
I want disorder in my life. Disorder from any rules or limitations I have set for myself; a lifestyle that is disordered by itself along with the understanding that any efforts to find order and perfection without God are futile.
I want to be meaningless on my own so my only comfort, purpose and eternal meaning are only found in my God.
This defenition also defines chaos as "the infinity of space or formless matter supposed to have preceded the existence of the ordered universe".
This matter is described as chaos because it has no order (to our finite understanding), no beginning (to our finite understanding) and no end (to our finite understanding). It pre-exists our order, our understaning. Surpassing time and impossible to explain or cage in any mathematical equation.
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