Why Chaos?

cha⋅os [key-os]
–noun
1.a state of utter confusion or disorder; a total lack of organization or order.
2.any confused, disorderly mass: a chaos of meaningless phrases.
3.the infinity of space or formless matter supposed to have preceded the existence of the ordered universe.

There it is. In plain text the defenition of chaos. (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/chaos)

Chaotic to me means a state of utter confusion in a positive way. When I look at the ways of this world and system I want to be confused...asking myself

"Why do my brothers and sisters think that these finite things could possibly slake their thirst for purpose, for God?"

I want disorder in my life. Disorder from any rules or limitations I have set for myself; a lifestyle that is disordered by itself along with the understanding that any efforts to find order and perfection without God are futile.

I want to be meaningless on my own so my only comfort, purpose and eternal meaning are only found in my God.

This defenition also defines chaos as "the infinity of space or formless matter supposed to have preceded the existence of the ordered universe".

This matter is described as chaos because it has no order (to our finite understanding), no beginning (to our finite understanding) and no end (to our finite understanding). It pre-exists our order, our understaning. Surpassing time and impossible to explain or cage in any mathematical equation.